You're hurting my penis!

Last night, I was babysitting a one-to-one who was a 93-year-old, confused, nearly deaf old guy. He was really very cute, but he had to have a foley put in and just couldn't understand why the hell a tube would be in there. All night, he kept scrunching around in the bed and trying to fiddle with it. I let him play with it a little, because he would get very agitated if you tried to stop him, but when he went to give a great big yank, I grabbed his hands and had to pry it out of his grip. He started trying to punch and kick me. While I was avoiding the blows, a male nurse came in (no doubt attracted to the noise) and went, "John! What's the matter?"

The old guy sits straight up in bed, rips off the sheet, points to his VERY exposed junk and exclaims "She's hurting my penis!"

I had to try so hard to keep a straight face while the nurse explained (yet again) what a catheter was.

"I don't care!" the patient kept saying, "That girl's dangerous. She's hurting my penis! She should be in jail!"